DOG RULES
(reprinted with permission from Perky's family)

1. Perky is never permitted in the house. Perky stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, Perky can enter the house, but only for short visits
or if her own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, Perky can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided her
dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, Perky is not allowed to run free and is confined to a
comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog
house in the yard sale, and Perky can go wherever the hell she pleases.

6. Perky is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, Perky can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, Perky can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old
furniture and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new
furniture...upon which Perky will most definitely not be allowed.

9. Perky never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, Perky can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, Perky can sleep alongside you, but she's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, Perky can sleep under the covers but not with her head on the pillow.

13. Okay, Perky can sleep alongside you under the covers with her head
on the pillow, but if she snores she's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, Perky can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but
she's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm
now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. Perky never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary
resident," even if it's true.